About Me

I’m a 42 yr old female who innocently started taking Mirapex for Restless Leg Syndrome. Within less than six weeks of starting Mirapex I blindly began a compulsion and an obsession with going to the casino. With that first trip of which many, many more were to come, little did I know the possibility one of this drugs serious side effects could have outright destroyed me. My issue with Mirapex is not that there are serious side effects – my issue is I had a right to be informed of ALL the potential side effects they KNEW about.

9/15/09

Been something like 19 days

Going on three weeks since I've been to the casino. The other morning I woke up dead tired and the thought crossed my mind "How did I do it?? Staying up all night, driving an hour home, going to work..."  So glad that it seems to be over - AND so glad that it also seems to be coming to pass that I won't be fighting an addiction - thank god.

9/5/09

Coming out of my Mirapex fog Part 2

These last few weeks have been just odd. 12 days since I've been to the casino - longest length of time since this nightmare started. Just 12 days ago I thought I was going on to be a journey to overcome a gambling addiction (though I'm not kidding myself into thinking that’s its completely over). Just 12 days ago my thoughts were suicidal.

In these last 12 days - oh I've thought about the casino – had a desire to go - but I was able to work through it (mostly by shopping). During the first seven days I was also writing (here) and doing internet searches on Mirapex – all the while sitting with a negative checking account (all due to charges from the checks wrote to the casino). THAT week I was too humbled-too embarrassed (though nobody knew), and thoughts of the casino were replaced with thoughts of having a more stronger desire to get my life back. The next seven days were a little tougher but I can see a major difference in my thinking – Pay day was on Monday - the start of the next 7 days. Instead of making sure the checks I wrote were covered (though I attempted to loan the money) I really wanted the checks to sit there, I really wanted the calls, I really wanted the stress, I really wanted to never have the means to go back there again. The cash I had on me – stayed on me. Normally ‘cash’ would have been a trigger to go. I believe I would have gone if those checks had been paid though. The longer those checks sit there – the better for me.

Part of what has helped me greatly is I had a support that didn’t even realize how they were helping…(for another time).

Told my two youngest sons tonight I think I'm back - "it's over guys...you got your mother back!" My middle son said jokingly, "Darn!" He and I had some fun nights- he's a night owl and didn't mind staying out all night with me - caused a few problems with his wife though. Because my sons ‘live on the way to the casino’ I couldn’t stay long – as the longer I stayed there with them my thoughts were getting stronger about “ah, you can go for just a quick one (never quick)…”

We'll see. Would be strange (actually cool) if this is really it. Must say that for the most part the compulsion/ obsession isn't there anymore - yes thoughts on occasional but NOTHING like it was - even just 12 days ago.

Weird.

9/2/09

'Consumer Reports' entertaining view on drug commericals

I came across this Consumer Reports video about Requip (on the same lines of MIRAPEX) while searching for when the commercial ads for the drug MIRAPEX starting running.

At first watching the video I felt a little offended (comes across as mocking RLS), then I started laughing – Consumer Reports did a great job at pointing out the silliness of this drug commercial and as well laughing along when the commentator said something on the lines about not knowing it was a medical condition until it was pointed out… 'I didn't know what I had was a medical condition until it was pointed out to me that I had 'RLS'. 


THEN I cried.

Unfortunately I never saw this commercial or ones like it (for Mirapex). 

Keep up the good work Consumer Reports!! Thanks for the smile today.

http://blogs.consumerreports.org/health/2007/11/finally-an-anti.html

Coming out of my ‘Mirapex Fog’ Part 1

In retrospect, during this last month it seems like I had been coming out of my "lingering Mirapex fog” – the 4 months after stopping the med.

This last month: I started having this sincere desire to spend a little time with my sons. I set up times/dates with them when I planned on doing this. Why this would be so strange is because this last year the only desire I really had was to get to the casino…it’s like my thinking slowly started to shift. The other thing I remember about this last month is that after a gambling episode when I’d feel the “When is this going to finally stop” frustrations- I almost felt it – felt the pain within whereas before when I’d say that – while I meant it - I just couldn’t feel it. Hard to explain.

A couple of weeks ago I did spend a few hours listening to my youngest son play his guitar – the absolute love of his life. Almost didn't make it though as I had about 5 minutes between the time I called him (needed directions) and the time he called me back. My thoughts were if I didn't hear from him after filling up with gas I'd go to the casino for a couple of hours THEN go see him (which would have never happened as basically I’d walk into the casino and wouldn’t leave until I was penniless). Anyhow he called before I made it to the gas station. It was awesome to listen to him play (even with fighting some thoughts about going to the casino). He is such a gifted/talented artist. I didn’t go to the casino that night – it truly felt great. I felt so responsible. If this scenario would have been a month previous to this – first I wouldn’t have set up a time to listen to him and if I had – I wouldn’t have had but maybe 60 seconds after calling him before I would have had it in my mind I was going to the casino and I would have gone letting him down one more time.

Then last week I went to visit my oldest son at his work - the love of his life (other than of course his first two loves - his wife and daughter). It was so cool to see my son at work - I am so proud of him - 25 yrs old, a self made-man, a beautiful wife and just the happiest daughter. Remember on this day I really didn’t have the urge/thoughts to go to the casino probably because just the night before I was there (though that never stopped me before). Hoping THAT night becomes thee last night for the record and it wasn’t even an all night’er. If it does become my last trip to the casino that in all this insanity – I couldn’t imagine how I could top it…$$$ spent, the major guilt, the craziness in thought, the suicidal feelings that followed. I even envisioned in my mind “Yep that would work…” looking up at log beam that runs across the center of the boyfriends house and a bar table.  I just hated what I had become – esp the no self control.

I hope its over now...

...just let me pick the pieces up to my life PLEASE.

As I sit here this morning reflecting on the last year of my life, rehashing memories of things done, things said, the feelings I had, the absolute craziness of it all that up that until this point I’ve said many times over (since stopping the med) that its not going to be the financial aspect (loss) that’s going to kill me in the end its going to be my health. I’m 42 years old (not a spring chicken here) and the amount of nights are countless that I stayed up all night in that casino, going without sleep, going into work the next day, smoking cigarette after cigarette while stuffing money in those machines, and the stress of it all...

Just a few moments ago, I started having flashbacks to when my first granddaughter was born in November 08’. I remember not wanting to  hold her, kiss her or get too close because I knew where I had been – a filthy disgusting place. Also my mind was so far from anything but 'going to the casino.' And those feelings just weren’t there when she was born but up until just a few weeks ago. I haven't even bonded with my beautiful 1st grandchild.

I just want to go hold and cuddle my grandbaby. But am afraid.  I'm afraid if I 'go that way' (the road that leads to the casino)  that  thats where I'll end up.  Its been 9 days since I've been to the casino - the longest time frame since this whole nightmare started.

I want my life back, I want back who I was. I want to be a grandma.

The first defendent (who won his case) didn't stop gambling right away either!!

Oh my gosh, I'm SO glad I haven't given up here.  I've known that because I didn't stop gambling immediately that it wasn't me but the still the effect of the drug because its not who I am (or was) - whatsoever. I will beat this!!  Since I made the connection back in the spring of this year (because of Belinda!)  it's been mentioned to me a few times (by the boyfriend since day 1, a lawyer just recently as of two days ago, and implied in some of the stories I've read from other victims that AS SOON AS the victim (and thats what we are) stopped taking the drug the complusion to gamble just should go away (or has.) Well it didn't for me nor did it for Gary Charbonneau - the first victim.  What a relief in so many aspects : )

"Gary Charbonneau says he was prescribed Mirapex in December 1997 to treat his Parkinson’s disease and stopped taking it in November 2005. He claims the drug caused him to become a compulsive gambler from March 2002 to February 2006..."
"The drugmakers argued the FDA concluded after additional research that “available information does not constitute proof of a cause and effect relationship” between Mirapex and “intense impulse behavior.” And they maintained the four-year time difference between when Charbonneau started taking Mirapex and began gambling indicates “gambled as a matter of choice, not compulsion.” I think not and either did a jury.

http://www.pharmalot.com/2008/07/compulsive-gambler-wins-lawsuit-over-mirapex/

Since speaking with a lawyer two days ago I've been searching the internet trying to find studies, answers etc as to why I continued to gamble after I stopped the drug as I KNEW there was a connection.

First "Complaint and Jury Trial Requested' against the makers of MIRAPEX (3/06)

http://www.pharmalot.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/charbonneau-mirapex-suit.pdf

9/1/09

Real world side effects and effectiveness of Mirapex

http://www.ehealthme.com/

"A real world approach: many drug interactions, side effects, and effectivenesses can not be detected when drugs are approved. They may be found only after the drugs have been used by millions of people and for a long time. Large, long term drug studies are able to discover these real world drug outcomes."

On September 1st 2009 6,566 related reports are studied for females and males at all ages when using Mirapex:

Top long term (1+ years on drugs) drug interactions, side effects:

1 Pathological gambling 547 (66.14%)
2 Obsessive-compulsive disorder 339 (40.99%)
3 Emotional distress 319 (38.57%)
4 Depression 293 (35.43%)
5 Anxiety 212 (25.63%)
6 Pain 186 (22.49%)
7 Fear 109 (13.18%)
8 Stress 107 (12.94%)
9 Weight increased 91 (11.00%)
10 Hyperphagia 89 (10.76%)

"the drug's potential to induce pathologic syndromes..."

 "Because this is a retrospective study, cases may have been missed, and hence this study may reflect an underestimation of the true frequency. Physicians who care for patients taking these drugs should recognize the drug's potential to induce pathologic syndromes that sometimes masquerade as primary psychiatric disease."

PMID: 19339647 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

PMCID: PMC2665974 [Available on 2009/10/01]

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19339647?orinalpos=2&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum